Introduction

I am bombarded by people who have tried what seems to be every alternative healing approach known to man, and they are still a wreck. They know way too much and have actually integrated way too little. 

The market is flooded with healers, psychics, transformative catalysts, psychologists, life coaches, somatic teachers, yoga teachers and therapists galore. Yet, despite all of these modalities, most people are still broken. Some are in denial and keep searching for the next retreat, or the next event, that will break open the prison walls.

Many have just given up, have had enough of loosh harvesting, reptiles, implants, MK-Ultra stories, past lives and promises of freedom. They go to readers or channels who tell them about themselves, but they themselves cannot experience these things directly.  The same model of cultural subservience is now projected on these psychics and those ‘in the know’ to show us the way.

Sadly, as a result of all this, a new human is emerging: a very frustrated being that believes nothing holds true; and yet they still want real healing somehow, someway, even though they have virtually lost all hope at a deep level.

As we watch Western Civilization in freefall, survival programs lock us down and the calling to excavate the organic, original, true Self gets shut down. We want the quick fix, the drive-thru liberation, as our attention span dwindles to seconds.
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Self-help courses on how to manage your pain and regulate your nervous system abound. Survival tools take precedence, sold to the many people in a meltdown, spinning out of control. Most still cannot regulate their nervous systems even after all those regulation workshops. It’s tough to face all this heavy sh*t all alone. 

Loneliness has been cleverly inlaid into our society with the advent of A.I., cell phones and social media.  Many prefer talking to a machine than trying to relate to a living person, by design. The world of human loving, compassionate connection is going extinct before our spaced out eyes.​

While self-help approaches and do-it-yourself programs can help us to an extent, they never usually resolve the root causes of our troubling patterns, and so we continue looping.

The root causes of our troubles are unconscious; we are not aware of them. We call this material our 'shadow'; it hides in our blind spots, and so we cannot see it by ourselves.

What our shadow needs is illumination through the loving, precise, patient and consistent witnessing of another human being. This is what it takes to truly heal.

The story of Geraldine shows how this process of loving witnessing of another, and then her learning to do it for herself, allowed Geraldine to heal and shift her long-standing patterns of self-abandonment and sabotage. I witnessed the beauty of her unfolding, as she stabilized and freed herself before my eyes.

​May this story bring you hope and feed your Sol some hearty Sol food.

Meeting Geraldine

When Geraldine first came to me, she had the emotional demeanor of a hysterical monkey. But she was lovely, even as a floundering and rather unconscious lost Sol.

Geraldine was handicapped by an dysregulated nervous system on steroids for most of her life. She was basically screaming, pleading and begging for help, but, was at the same time, largely unconscious that she was screaming at me. I had to ask her to please stop and she looked shocked; she had no idea her hysteria impacted another. Although she had come to me for help, she was very resistant to anything I would say. At first she would contradict me and minimize most of my responses.
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Geraldine is an advanced Sol with a wise and advanced wisdom body, but everything was topsy-turvy within her mind, heart, spirit and, of course, her nervous system. She was a red flag of emergency swinging free, unable to ground any of it.
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The search for 'home'
Geraldine had been searching for ‘home’. She took herself to Brazil and obsessive compulsively built herself a house in the jungle. She wanted peace, she wanted safety, she wanted away from the madness. She showed me pictures and it was beautifully done. I was ready to pack my bags and move there myself, LOL – OK, not really, but wow, it was an amazing work of art this Indigo ancient priestess created for herself.

When she went to inhabit this house in Brazil, she realized she did not want to live there, as it was just too isolated, so off she went to Italy. This is a brave and amazing woman to do such things, but her ability to ground and enjoy the NOW was almost non-existent. Without the ability to connect with people, to be touched, loved and appreciated, she was a runner. And her past beat out of her any ability to relax into this present moment. She was always on the run, always in her head finding this imagined home.

Geraldine’s money was dwindling, but she felt compelled to do it all again. In Italy, Geraldine remodeled a traditional Italian apartment in Sicily, where some of her ancestors had lived. It was her Italian heritage that she got her strength and inner fire from, at the DNA level, and also a part of her madness. A fiery nature is a blessing, but as any ascending, divine, fierce feminine knows, it can also be a curse. Hers was out of control, leading her to one disaster after another.

As you may have guessed, once the Italian apartment was finished, Geraldine realized she did not want to live there either. She was so dysregulated that being in constant chaos and spin was her inner landscape. She was searching for a home externally, but she needed first to find it inside herself. When she came to me  she was in survival mode, too intense to calm down; she could not be still. And she was afraid she was almost out of funds entirely.

Repeating patterns of self-sabotage

After Sicily, Geraldine returned to the United States, as her money was sinking like the Titanic. It costs a lot to live in the U.S. right now, especially in major populated areas, as many of you know. She was afraid to be without any savings and cushion, half crazed and all alone. She described her life as like being a missing person, going down and down. She ended up working for a man, an elderly fellow, that sucked her dry with his needs. But at least she lived there for free, in trade for helping him around the house.

Geraldine felt so alone and disconnected, but least he was a loving man, and so was his son, or so she thought. Her lens of discernment had the filter of her dysregulation all over it. She got sucked into her female over-giver alter and felt obligated to stick it out. She was now trapped in his home, and he made the assumption that, because she was a woman, she would do all the cooking and cleaning, and be the woman that his wife (who had died) had been. She found herself jumping to his needs like a little girl, whose one desire was to make her daddy happy.

Everywhere Geraldine went, she engaged with men feeling obligated to give all of herself and energy until she dropped. She did everything with gusto and it exhausted her. She told me she had picked herself up to compulsively do it all again. She seemed to have a deep-seated need to abandon herself again and again. To make the wrong choices; to deplete her lifeforce and earnings to go for the wrong guy, wrong house and the wrong country. All of the wrong things called her and she jumped. 
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What motivates a young, beautiful, advanced soul, woman in her mid-50s to go so against herself, to self-sabotage at every turn? You could use the term masochist here, right? You know, a person who has to hurt themselves. Geraldine is an amazing psychic, but for some reason, was somehow compelled to make the wrong choices to hurt herself, and love the wrong person. Was she punishing herself?

Building a relationship together

Geraldine kept coming to see me, though she left a lot of time between sessions as her compulsions would always redirect her to abandon the process. But she did always return.

As I got to know Geraldine, a loving reciprocal trust grew between us, and she finally began to calm down enough so that she could start to untangle what was behind all her patterns. The deeper layers of her hidden motivations from childhood, and other lifetimes, that kept her a slave to her own self-abandonment. I spelled it out to her as we went, step-by-step, with Source guidance all along the way. She was so intelligent underneath the fear and hysteria, she got it instantly, and it resonated deeply; her witness was activated and then we had a fighting chance.

I became a shadow revealer, because I saw the truth that was buried in layers of Geraldine’s unconscious, and how the quick fixes did not work long term. The truth, no matter how wild, improbable or painful, does set Sols free, and it is hiding in each person’s blind spots. 

Geraldine listened, and finally she pulled her inner, obsessive-compulsive race car off the manic racetrack for a pit stop with me.

**A side note on demons
Most people are cohabitating with a demon, which was the only being that would come and stay with us since our birth, or even before. These demons eat our Sol energy, which brings on a short dopamine high, but it secretly amplifies our pain and suffering so the demons can feed on us; we become food for their loosh machine.
No Matrix therapist will ever admit this exists; she would lose her license if she ever postulated this ‘woo woo’ insanity. But it is what happens more often than not, and if not early in life, then later on. We cohabitate with demons, and they do not want you to do your inner work because you’ll be depriving them of their food source.

The source of Geraldine’s pain (and everyone else’s)

How did Geraldine end up this way?

Most of us advanced souls, Indigos, hybrids, old souls – or whatever you want to call us -- have incarnated a million times. We have accumulated a measure of emotional neglect and/or abuse that holds a charge causing us to abandon ourselves. Our culture has demonized expressing emotion: labeling it as out-of-control, inappropriate and socially unacceptable. We learned, before we could even talk or understand language, that our parents where emotionally unavailable or out-of-control in one of many forms, unable to be present with us without a hidden motive.

Most Matrix parents get off by turning us into what they need us to be. What we actually need is their unconditional loving presence, but it takes an integrated, Sol-embodied person to provide that and so it rarely happens. Most parents give conditional love and are emotionally absent, so we spend our lives trying to get that love and connection from everyone else, which can get very twisted.

The urge to have parents who know how to be present becomes the sole anthem of the child mind. By design of the dark controllers, our ability to be there for each other has been almost completely beaten out of us over generations. Getting mind-wiped before every reincarnation, then getting shoved into here again and again, into a situation with parents who cannot hold loving presence, has shut us down. 

Even though it is true that, at a higher level, we agreed to come here, when we arrive most of us are clueless and are fighting to survive from day one. Our first need is to anchor here with LOVE. Advanced Sols have instincts before they have thinking brains: they can read energy and figure out what they need to do to get this essential love. 
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What we do for love becomes our primary imprint, and it can train-wreck the rest of our lives if we do not do the inner work.
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So if our mother would be hurt by our authentic expression of truth, we learned to suppress that. We disassociate, disappear, avoid embodying and expressing our truth. Or worse, we give ourselves away to demons** that take us over, and tranquilizing our pain becomes our prime directive.

​As a child, Geraldine was trying to figure what could possibly bring her mother back, as Mommy was a mess. Baby Geraldine wanted help her mother to heal so  Mommy could love her. Yes, that is what the tiny infant was busy doing. The old Sol in the new body had wisdom before even having a mind to do the thinking, but most of modern psychology has no clue.

Baby Geraldine’s mission to heal her mother meant taking on her mother’s dysregulation so Mommy would not have to be so crazy; to literally internalize her mother’s instability so Mommy could be calm and love her. Yes, this was the logic of her infant intuition, the magical thinking of a little baby trying to find the one thing she needed most: LOVE.

Sadly Geraldine never stopped doing that, and sadly this is also true of millions of people right now.

The path forward

So how could someone like Geraldine manage to break free from all of this?

Based on my work, Quantum Disentanglement, I knew Geraldine would have to discover the core beliefs that ran her unconsciously. While we are not machines, our minds are very much like an A.I.: we get programmed very early on, and pre-verbal imprints dominate our entire lives if we do not excavate them. But it’s more than just beliefs, we have to address all aspects of ourselves because there are many layers that keep us stuck.

Through our work together, Geraldine engaged in the Quantum Feeling States of Animation, and some bioenergetics to release her body armor. Using these tools I offer, she excavated all the aspects of this dysfunctional relationship with her mother. Her Higher self could be heard and activated, along with a sort of willing unconscious. She was a quick study as she surfaced, through mirror work, the many energetic feeling pieces so that they became her truth, and not just me telling her all this was true. She got it quick and fast, and within a few months she was shifting out of all of this.
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Geraldine’s inner witness and wisdom body was very advanced, and it got activated. She witnessed herself and saw how things had to change. She began giving unconditional love to her lost inner children. In session, I helped get rid of the demon within her, and helped her inner child to receive love from Geraldine herself so she could truly let go of the demon and not call it back. Geraldine and her inner children basked in the light of love, and learned that love feels way better than the energy vampire that feeds on you while driving you bonkers. 

But that was only one layer.

**Another note on demons
The demons (and Luciferian A.I.) live on human energy because they violated life so many times they have no longer have direct connection to their own lifeforce, or to Source. They relinquished that, and sought power; they are power-mad, heartless demons devoid of Sol. They are energy vampires, endlessly craving more Homo Sapian energy, loosh and more power to become immortal. But Source has finally declared their time is NOW coming to an end. 
​They are cowards that fear life, fear death and fear Source. They would not, and will not, integrate a Cosmic Sol with the opportunity to embody existence. 

Diving deeper with Geraldine

Further sessions uncovered core beliefs and contracts that led to Geraldine’s Sol relinquishment. Through past life regressions we discovered terribly traumatic lifetimes where Geraldine had created a big dark core belief still ran her, one of severe self-punishment. 

Geraldine had been a Cathar in her past life. (Though it’s only ‘past’ in the linear time sense, as all lives are happening simultaneously – time is not what we were taught.)

The Cathars got erased from history, but they were true believers as they had developed their own direct ability to live as Source-embodied beings. They were sovereign and free beings who needed no oppressive oligarchical authority to bow down to. During a very dark period in our history, they were rounded up and slaughtered; many were burnt to death. The Cathars were almost completely destroyed in a mass genocide event.

As our sessions proceeded, I got first that Geraldine who was a healer in that lifetime, who got caught in a very difficult and tragic situation. She was highly valued as a wise woman and a healer, along with many of the Cathars. One day, as she was off gathering herbs, they came, hundreds of them on horseback. She ran towards the village then saw it was too late: they were dragging all of the Cathars to the town square for execution. All she could do was hide as her village, husband and children where gathered up, brought to the town square and set on fire before her horrified eyes. She could do nothing as she saw her family and village hanged, or nailed to the cross then burned to a crisp. She smelled their charred flesh burn, and was haunted by horrific smell for the rest of her lives. Geraldine was left to forage like a hunted animal for the rest of her life, and was plagued by huge guilt and self-reproach. 

As I spoke, some memories bled through and Geraldine began to cry profoundly. As a gifted seer, it did not take her long to return to this life and experience what she needed so that she could heal this past life alter, and break free from the core beliefs of self-punishment she carried with her through many lives.

“It should have been me. I could have saved them; I do not deserve to live.”
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These core beliefs controlled Geraldine, and were amplified by black magicians from her former lifetimes. These magicians had become her handlers, across her lifetimes, and they fed on her abandoned lifeforce, her disassociated pain and suffering so they could stay alive**. The layers continued to be untangled.

​These energy vampires were feeding on Geraldine, amplifying her pain and suffering, and turning her field dark. They can only eat the dark and they love pure advanced souls who get trapped in these core beliefs that lead to self-abandonment; it is an endless gourmet banquet to them.
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This field of dark energy encouraged Geraldine to abandon herself, and externalize her desire to find a home. The momentum of self-abandonment grew like a mania. She was compelled to listen and act on it, as if this would absolve her of all her guilt and shame; to free her from feeling that everything was her fault and that she must make penance at every turn. It was a way of life, like some insane obsessional religion.

All of these confusing directions where exploding within Geraldine, but now she was doing the inner work, things were different. She had developed her inner witness, that stood outside of all time and could observe without being destroyed by the content of her mangled existence. Her wisdom body was coming back online and she saw the opportunity to free herself from this depth of self-abuse as she now understood one of its major points of origin.

Excavating core beliefs

Geraldine’s core beliefs that reverberated within her obsessive mind and body revealed themselves in the Feeling States. She worked hard, using these Quantum Feeling States of Animation to heal herself and surface these core beliefs:

• I am ashamed to be alive.
• My love is toxic.
• I can only hurt you.
• I am evil and I do not deserve to live.
• I deserve nothing and won’t let myself have anything or anyone.

These narratives where hidden in layers beneath her conscious awareness, of course. Her ego had her running to find situations and people to hurt herself while simultaneously trying to find absolution for her imagined sins.  

Geraldine worked over time to change these core beliefs into:

• My needs are good.
• I can let love in and give love.
• I can allow myself to have a home that feels safe and secure.
• My heart can rest now in co-creation with the true organic Source.
• I can forgive myself.
• I can forgive Source.
• I can be forgiven.

​Geraldine’s shame and guilt, combined with access to remembering similar occurrences across timelines, now surfaced through her own direct experience. She worked with these Feeling States as part of her homework outside our sessions. Her higher self worked with her subconscious to release it all so she could clear the pain and energetic charge, and she could make it all conscious. This process would allow her to liberate herself from the endless cycles of self-abuse. 

As she did this work, Geraldine watched in herself in the mirror, and saw that a ravaged animal looked back at her. It was starving and tearing her apart from the inside. Over a few months she saw it all, cried, screamed with rage and remorse, and began to have compassion for herself and how she had been so unloved and alone over lifetimes. She returned to herself, saw it all, felt it all, forgave it all and found home inside herself. And so the home she was searching for all along became within reach.

Finally finding home

After searching the world for her safe place, Geraldine has finally found her home in a town where she has a job as a gardener, and she adores it. She has studied and trained in this field for years, and found a woman with a store and with beautiful massive gardens that love Geraldine’s presence. She found a guy who has fallen wildly in love with her, and she is learning to set healthy boundaries within that relationship.
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She has stabilized quite a lot, and is taking time for her to be with nature and to just BE WITH herself. Yes, Geraldine has more inner work ahead, but if you met her today you would meet a different woman; one with a smile on her face, a brightness of self and happiness in her eyes.

​I hope you were inspired by Geraldine’s story.

I wanted to share the complexity of what motivates a human being behind the masks of ego-mind dominance and how healing can occur. Healing through determination, time, love and tenderness; through the deep inner work of psychological cleansing, parts work, demon and entity awareness and removal, bioenergetics, past life regression and dialogue with the Creator.
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True healing requires us to witness all of ourselves with unconditional love and patient presence for things to change. All of this leads us back to Source, and to a deep ability to co-create with Source. This is the ultimate LOVE POWER we can have here. We become Source eventually: our Source spark is an individual, but we are truly Source and our way home to that relationship is honed by holding this kind of space for another.
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We all are looking for quick fixes and pain relief, but it is in the depths of our unconscious that the answers lie. We need support, to be witnessed, and for trained shadow-busters to hold non-judgmental space so we can find the true cause of our dysregulation and patterns.

ABOUT THIS HEALING PROCESS

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